Why I Don’t Wear Nail Polish

Three reasons: Hezekiah, the Lindseth climbing wall, and the general state of my nails.  Reason three is probably caused by reasons one and two, but I’m still counting it.

Reason one: As a clarinet, Hezekiah happens to have a lot of little screws and pins that can be quite sharp.  As a clarinetist, I manipulate these screws and pins, and in the process have more than enough opportunities to scratch my fingernails.  Any nail polish on them would come out looking like a Jackson Pollock painting.

Reason two: Since I started rock climbing, besides discovering various muscles in my arms, I've been using my limbs in some unusual ways.  As it turns out, you can lift your leg to your waist while balancing on an outcropping of rock approximately half a centimeter wide.  And a pocket (a type of hold that looks like a hole in the wall) is sloped the wrong way for you to find a fingerhold?  Just shove your whole hand in there.

That technique is known as a hand jam.  To hand jam, simply slide your hand into the desired hold and make a fist.  Your hand is now wider and hopefully will hold your weight.  If it doesn't, well, that’s when you may lose some skin off your hand and quite possibly any nail polish you have on.

Which is why I just avoid the problem by never painting my nails.  They’re already decorated with scratches from my clarinet and a layer of dirt, which leads to reason three: in general, my fingernails aren't in a state to be painted, and if they were, I’m probably about five minutes away from going to play in a mud puddle or something like that.

Basically, I never paint my nails because I’d destroy them within ten minutes of the nail polish drying, but for those of you who do, don’t worry, I’m not going to go around throwing nail polish remover on peoples’ hands.   But let’s not go into what I think about fake nails.

No fingernails were intentionally harmed in the production of this post.  Legitimate Photographic evidence can be supplied at request.

[In other news, I just survived working HEC weekend. Details will follow, but suffice it to say, it sure was an experience. And now, this coming week I have two prelims, a pep band trip, and an essay to write. Was it the smartest idea to work all three days of HEC weekend? Probably not. Do I regret it? Not a bit.]