Arts and Crafts

Another aspect of my summer involves getting around to using some of the craft kits currently stored in my closet. What I’m currently working on was actually in a box under my desk, but minor details here. So after taking a years-long break, I’m attempting to complete my first cross stitch project since elementary school. After a few weeks, I can say that I should have stuck to friendship bracelets, because at least you can’t stab yourself with a friendship bracelet. (The ones I’m talking about are made completely with thread. The sharpest object involved is the scissors used to cut the thread, and if you want, you can even use safety scissors.)

Thus far, after approximately thirty-five hours of work, I have filled most of a 4” by 4” canvas, stabbed myself a couple dozen times with the most definitely not blunted needle, scratched my knee, cut three knots out of the thread, left two knots in the canvas, and untangled knots at a rate of one per every five or so minutes. Isn't summer fun?

I honestly don’t remember fighting with knots this much the last time I did cross stitching. My options are to blame my memory or the kit I’m using. I blame the kit. For whatever reason, the entire thing appears to be made of plastic/synthetic fibers. If this is 21st century cross stitching, maybe in another fifty years they’ll be using fiber optic cables that can be programmed to be any color you want when you finish . . . oh, wait. That defeats the actual purpose of cross stitch.

I don’t know if it’s the plastic thread or just that I appear to be working with single strands of thread, but something is causing a ridiculous number of knots. Beyond the mechanics of and my inability to do cross stitch, the rest of the kit is driving me up the wall as well.

First off, when you get the kit, there’s a nice picture of two kids building a sand castle on the beach. When you look more closely at the pattern you’re supposed to follow, you realize it’s a similar picture, but it is very clearly of two kids building a sand mound on the beach. It appears that the “finished product” picture given is a scaled down version of a larger, more detailed cross stitch pattern. Misrepresentation of the facts instance 1.

Once you get past the cover picture, you look at the pattern more closely and realize all the instructions are in Chinese. I don’t read Chinese. Fortunately I've done cross stitch before, so I didn't need the instructions. It would, however, have been nice to be able to understand the color code so I would know which threads to use. Except the threads didn't have any color numbering system, and I got them in two giant bundles.

Moving on: a little ways into the project, I decided to separate the threads by color to make it easier for me whenever I needed a particular color. This was when I discovered that the “light green” was basically a slight variant on the light yellow that would have benefited from a healthy helping of green dye. I would have benefited from some spectrophotometric analysis.

Of course, in the pattern, the light green actually looks like light green, not yellow thread with a case of mildew. Which leads me to misrepresentation of the facts instance 2. On the cover picture, the girls’ hair is a nice shade of light brown. In the pattern, it’s not light brown, but it is a reasonable shade of light yellow. The actual thread is bright yellow, bordering on neon. I've seen about as many six year olds with neon yellow hair building sandcastles sand heaps on the beach as people wearing shiny gold six inch heels to go wading.

So I briefly considered writing a letter/email of complaint to the company, but then I realized that they’d probably just send me one of each of their kits for me to make. (There are nine of them, all nicely displayed on the back side of the pattern.) And wouldn't that just make my summer?