A couple Saturdays ago (August 13th), it was Left Handers Day. I didn’t do anything special on the day itself (I had other exciting plans that I might eventually write about) but I celebrate all year long by complaining about everything right handed. Enjoy the following representative list of things that are moderately terrible for left handers.
1. Pens that smudge. Enough said.
2. Contoured right handed scissors. Contoured specially to gouge holes into your hand while you hack ineffectually at lines you can’t see.
3. People pitching to the wrong side of you in whiffle ball because obviously you must be the one standing on the wrong side of the plate.
4. The icons/buttons for the Xbox Kinect. They’re all in the top right corner which is a major pain to reach with your left hand.
5. Accidentally getting shots and blood drawn from your left arm.
6. Cheese slicers.
However, there are some things I don’t have handedness-related objections against: corkscrews, can openers, the gearshift, and peelers. I also enjoy non-dominant hand chopsticks and bowling.
And on the plus side, if you’re left handed, you can a) still draw a weapon while shaking someone’s hand*, b) use a mouse and write at the same time, and c) have an excuse to repeatedly elbow people at the dinner table.
*The internet indicates that a possible origin of the handshake was as a salutation used between two parties to show that each had come peaceably without weapons in hand.
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