The Pros and Cons of Computational Research

Pro: No dress code.
Shorts, open-toed shoes, socks and sandals, bare feet, long hair, hats, necklaces, watches, contacts, and banana costumes are all acceptable attire.

Con: No windows.
Because people can’t look into the lab and catch a glimpse of you professionally attired in a lab coat and safety glasses gazing thoughtfully into a test tube of blue liquid or intensely pipetting, you will most likely be placed in a basement office next to either the loading dock or a storage closet filled entirely with broken swivel chairs. [Our basement office actually has windows, but we’re below ground level and the ground around us was dug out so it feels like we’re at the bottom of a moat.]

Pro: Not fighting over spectrometers and beakers.
Some days, everyone just needs to run a reaction in a 100 mL round bottom flask and purify their compound using column chromatography. In computational research, everyone has their own computer.

Con: Fighting over computer cores on the lab allocation.
Everyone might have their own computer, but if you want to graduate before the next century, many of your simulations will be run on an external cluster. The cluster tends to be faster and you can have dozens of simulations running at the same time, unless that guy decides to run four 48-core jobs for two weeks on your lab’s 200-core allocation. Don’t be that guy.

Pro: Cluster maintenance.
A few times a year, depending on the computing department’s schedule, you get to go in to meetings with your advisor and say that you couldn’t get any results because the cluster is down for maintenance. Never mind that you’ve been warned three months in advance and could have planned data analysis, literature searches, writing manuscripts, preparing presentation slides, applying for grants, sending in conference applications, or any other of the dozens of things you never get around to doing to be completed during this time.

Con: No broken equipment.
If a vital component of the NMR machine suddenly breaks and the manufacturer insists that they’re working as quickly as they can, but the new part won’t be able to be installed for four months, well, guess you’re not doing NMR for the next four months. What a pity.

Pro: You can do your research anywhere, at any time.
Can’t be bothered to change out of your pajamas or get out of bed? Work from your bed. Forgot to submit some jobs to the cluster before you left work? Do it from home. Need to rearrange your schedule for doctor’s appointments, meetings, classes, or midday trips to the bar? Fine. Your source code doesn’t care if it’s 8 am or 8 pm.

Con: You can do your research anywhere, at any time.
Out of the country? Use a VPN to connect to the cluster. Broken leg? Doesn’t matter. You’re sitting all the time anyway. Broken arm? No big deal; your typing might be slowed down a bit but you can still use a mouse. Your only hope is a prolonged power outage.

#MLSisBack [March 2018]

Unlike most of the rest of the world, soccer in America takes place from March to October. In theory, March sounds like an okay time to start a soccer season. In reality, it’s still freezing in places like New England, Minnesota, Columbus, and Chicago. But MLS decreed that the season would start in March, so it started in March. The Revolution began their season under a new head coach after a reasonably successful preseason, which included winning the Mobile Mini Sun Cup (formerly the Desert Diamond Cup, a superior name, albeit one without sponsorship opportunities). Revolution supporters on Twitter were hoping for a tiny cup on wheels; the trophy delivered on the tiny, but lacked any mobility of its own. Following that victory, the Revolution returned to the cold, snow-covered wasteland known as Massachusetts to begin regular season MLS play.

Season opener, March 3, 2018, at Philadelphia Union, 2-0 L
Before the game even started, the drama began when the Revolution’s flight to Philadelphia got cancelled because of weather. Instead of arriving the day before, they arrived the day of the game on one of Robert Kraft’s Patriots planes, cuing the chorus of woe at an owner who doesn’t care enough about his soccer team to spend money on players/staff/facilities/a stadium. Once the game started, the drama continued with a straight red card, a second yellow, and half an hour of nine-man soccer, all to the Revolution’s detriment. The Revolution have had their share of questionable calls away from Gillette, but this one wasn’t on the ref. This one was on the phenomenally stupid decision making by the two center backs to physically pull down their opponents. Among the things you learn in kindergarten: keep your hands to yourself. Put this game in the dumpster fire pile.

Home opener, March 10, 2018, vs. Colorado Rapids, 2-1 W
The question this week was if the back line would hold up since both starting center backs would be serving red card suspensions. It wasn’t pretty at times, but they got the job done. Former third-string keeper Matt Turner made several strong saves, including a penalty; homegrown player Diego Fagundez scored the Revolution’s first goal of the 2018 season; and Chris Tierney, long-time left-footed free kick specialist, saved them from a tie with a 92nd minute free kick goal. Yes, they might have looked like they were celebrating making the playoffs or MLS cup, but this team needs every point they can scrape up.

Bye week, March 17, 2018
During the MLS Superdraft, the Revolution selected Western Michigan’s Brandon Bye. During their very early bye week, they took the opportunity to post daily pictures on social media of Bye with the hashtag #ByeWeek. While other MLS teams work on building stadiums and signing world-class players, the Revolution are busy making terrible puns.

March 24, 2018, vs. NYCFC, 2-2 T
Back at Gillette Stadium, the Revolution looked to see how they would fare against the unbeaten NYCFC. They went up by a goal in the first half while playing some of the best soccer I’ve seen/heard from them in a while, then struggled in the second half to continue controlling the game, eventually conceding the equalizer twice. The result was disappointing, but I don’t feel they ever truly broke down to give NYCFC obvious scoring opportunities. Plus, they didn’t implode after either of NYCFC’s goals, which was an improvement over giving up three-goal leads. See this. Or this.

On the road again, March 31, 2018, at Houston Dynamo, 0-2 W
They might have been helped out by an early red card to the Dynamo, and they honestly looked like they played most of the game 11 v. 11, but they left Houston with three points. The high press looked good on the opening goal and on the red card, then the Revolution were unable to use their man advantage to create anything until Cristian Penilla scored his first MLS goal. But they left Houston with three points, earning their first road win of the season from their second away game, instead of during stoppage time of their last game of the season.

All told, Revolution fans are generally happy enough to have started the season 2-1-1, which actually isn’t that much better than last year’s 1-2-1, but with a new coach, some new players, and no new stadium, it’s an encouraging beginning.

The Sound of Music, Volume 4

Rent (2005 movie) – I was familiar with a good amount of the music from Rent before I saw it. After seeing it, I liked the soundtrack even more. It goes with the plot/book well and is varied in melody and tempo.¹ The plot follows a group of struggling artists living the Bohemian life in New York City while dealing with various relationship troubles and HIV/AIDS. It’s based on Puccini’s La boheme, if that gives you any further clue about the plot.
Notable songs: “Seasons of Love,” “One Song Glory,” “La Vie Boheme,” “Without You”

A Chorus Line (1985 movie) – Apparently the original Broadway version of A Chorus Line was supposed to be about aging stars looking for one last chance, not young dancers trying to get their first big break, but if you can get over that, it’s not a bad movie. It takes place almost entirely onstage and depicts dancers auditioning for a new musical. As the day progresses, the auditionees are asked to talk about their lives and reveal their pasts, all while vying to be chosen for the chorus line.
Notable songs: “I Hope I Get It,” “Nothing”

Carousel (1956 movie) – After seeing this musical, I think my last major Rodgers and Hammerstein musical to watch is The King and I. Overall, I liked it, but it was slow, and this is coming from someone who enjoys doing things like making eight dozen of the same sandwich and reading cereal boxes. The plot can mostly be summed up as “do Billy and Julie really love each other?” with some side issues. It’s based on a Hungarian play by Molnár, Liliom. “June is Bustin’ Out All Over” is a fun extended dance break though. [Side note: For some reason, this musical reminds me of the third act of Burning Bright by John Steinbeck, which has little to no relation except both works contain a boat.]
Notable songs: “June is Bustin’ Out All Over,” “A Real Nice Clambake”

Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat (1999 movie) – In this musical, Andrew Lloyd Webber takes on the story of Joseph and his coat of many colors (plus what follows). This version includes an unnecessary (in my opinion) frame story but otherwise is flashy and entertaining, and I am a fan of Pharaoh/Elvis.
Notable songs: “Any Dream Will Do,” “Joseph’s Coat,” “Go, Go, Go Joseph”

Jesus Christ Superstar (1973 movie) – And here’s more Andrew Lloyd Webber, presenting a somewhat fictionalized version of Jesus’s last week on earth. There’s an entire subplot involving Judas. Mainly, this musical was a little weird – partly true, partly not, and sung entirely as a rock opera. Then again, someone else wrote an entire musical about the Shroud of Turin (Into the Light, which lasted a whole five days on Broadway, in case you were wondering).
Notable songs: “Hosanna,” “King Herod’s Song,” “Superstar” [Incidentally, “Red Solo Cup” by Toby Keith has a line that sounds exactly like a line in “King Herod’s Song.” It makes for a slightly bizarre listening experience.]

That wraps up another group of musicals, probably my last for the near future. At this point I’ve seen most of the common/popular musicals that the library has, plus I haven’t been watching as many movies in the past couple months.

¹Not going to name names here², but there are some musicals where every song sounds the same, except with different words.

²But . . . if I have a hard time coming up with notable songs for a musical, it’s probably one of those musicals where every song sounds the same, except with different words.<sup>3

3</sup>Nested footnotes.

Happy Birthday Wolfy

In this episode of “Sometimes I leave my apartment and don’t go to my office, Kroger, the library, band, or church,”¹ I celebrate Mozart’s birthday with the Ann Arbor Symphony Orchestra (A²SO) at the Michigan Theater. Because I’m cheap, I only pay to sit in the back of the balcony. Will I be able to hear the orchestra? Will I be able to see the orchestra? Will Mozart be properly feted? Find out next time right after this commercial break by reading the next line.

Yes. It was a good concert. It was the first time I’ve been in the audience at the Michigan Theater instead of on the stage². I could see and hear just fine, unless scores of people reading this are now going to buy balcony tickets at future A²SO performances, in which case my seat was horrible; there was a pillar three inches in front of my face, you needed binoculars to find the stage, and the acoustics made the orchestra sound like a chorus of kazoos.

The orchestra opened with a premier of a piece by a UM composition student. That was followed by the Mozart Clarinet Concerto, which was the main/actual reason I was at Mozart’s Birthday Bash. This clarinet concerto was composed in 1791 for Anton Stadler on the Basset clarinet and was one of Mozart’s last works. It’s been used in movies – the second movement in Out of Africa and the first in The King’s Speech. During high school, I had the misfortune pleasure of suffering through playing this clarinet concerto under the tutelage of my clarinet teacher. After months of agonizing diligent practice, we produced an instant platinum album a single CD recorded by an iPhone. Naturally, when I found out the A²SO would be playing this piece, I had to get a ticket to see it.

It’s a different experience listening to a performance of a piece that you’ve spent months playing. Being familiar with a piece is one thing; knowing every rest, run, and arpeggio is quite another. But since up through the end of the eighteenth century, many composers used few dynamic/stylistic markings, every publisher (and player) of the Clarinet Concerto has a slightly different interpretation of the piece. Other things of note: the soloist played the concerto on the Basset (A) clarinet instead of transposed for the Bb clarinet, and he wore a neon yellow/gold suit jacket that I could very clearly see from the back of the theater.

After intermission, the second half of the concert featured Mozart’s first and last symphonies. His first symphony was written in 1764 at the age of eight. I was still over a year away from picking up a clarinet at the age of eight. His last symphony, Symphony No. 41, was composed in 1788. It’s a little more complex than his first symphony. Just slightly. It’s three times as long, is scored for more instruments, and includes five themes going at the same time at the end of the fourth movement. But. Both his first and last symphonies contain the same four note motif . . . just surrounded by parts of varying complexity. I think that’s pretty cool.

And so, with a final chord, Mozart’s Birthday Bash concluded. I enjoyed myself, and also the chance to be in front of the stage, instead of on or behind it, for once.

¹Seriously, I haven’t left the Ann Arbor city limits in over two months. I have some thoughts on why this feels different from never leaving Ithaca while I was at Cornell, but I think that needs to be its own post.

²The Ann Arbor Concert Band also performs at the Michigan Theater.

Shades of Grey

Besides LEGOs and furniture, I also assemble jigsaw puzzles at moderate to fast speeds. Recently, I’ve been getting my puzzles from the library book shop for $2, but occasionally people let me borrow puzzles, or, in one case, recruit me to help them finish a puzzle. The kinds of puzzles I buy are usually landscapes, but I also have a Hobbit puzzle, cupcakes, beer logos, and 90s pop culture. The kinds of puzzles people lend to me have descriptions like “features thousands of tiny images” and “world’s most difficult.” Case #1: the Dalmatian puzzle.

The summer I spent in Ithaca running all over the place, my friend and I got to talking about how we like puzzles. She mentioned that she had picked up a puzzle at the Salvation Army store that seemed like a challenge and handed it over to me to assemble. The puzzle had (only) 500 pieces. However, it was also double-sided, with the image on the back rotated 90 degrees; the picture featured hundreds of one-inch tall Dalmatians; and the pieces were cut in one direction, then the puzzle was flipped and rotated to make the cuts in the other direction so there was no way to tell which side was the top or bottom. I normally finish 1000-piece puzzles in about three days working a couple hours a day. Excessive sky or other monochromatic patches might add a day or two. The Dalmatian puzzle took months of periodic work. After I finished, it sat on the coffee table until I moved because I wanted to admire my work.

The Dalmatian puzzle

The following summer was the summer before I started grad school, which I spent mainly sprawled on the carpet in my 80-degree living room. When I arrived in Ann Arbor, I discovered the library book shop, which sells puzzles for $1 or $2, depending on whether they know if all the pieces are there or not. I built up my local puzzle collection and enjoyed several months of mountains, the Las Vegas strip, and a dragon.

Then this past summer, I was staying in temporary lodging between leases when I was informed of a puzzle that a family from church had been working on. They were having a busy summer, though, and hadn’t made much progress. I said I was up for the challenge, and got myself invited over for dinner and a jigsaw puzzle. After taco salad and ice cream, I took a look at what I had gotten myself into. Case #2: the Michigan Stadium, filled with 100,000 millimeter-scale fans all dressed in blue and yellow. As far as difficult puzzles go, it wasn’t horrible, but one pencil-tip-sized fan looks pretty much like all the other pencil-tip-sized fans. It took several puzzle fixing sessions, but I got it done (with a little help from some elementary school kids). [No picture, but this is the puzzle.]

Not long after that, another family from church allowed me the privilege of borrowing a puzzle they’d had for over twenty years and had never completed. Why? Case #3: the mosaic Lincoln puzzle. When complete, the picture was a portrait of Lincoln, composed of hundreds of smaller pictures, all in black and white. I’m sensing a theme here. This puzzle occupied me for several weeks at an awfulness level slightly less than the Dalmatian puzzle.

Lincoln's face as a mosaic.  The puzzle came missing the edge pieces;

I was not responsible for that.

Moral of the story: send me all your undone black and white puzzles of potatoes, or top hats, or lima beans, or whatever. I might solve them, or I might burn them.